BULLYING

In the adult world, we can be bullied too! Today, I was picking up my car for the third time with the same complaint; car is running very rough on idle. It started the day after Hurricane Sandy and has continued. I have borrowed my sister's car on numerous days, she has been extraordinarily generous. I have been afraid of breaking down, particularly at night, with the car since there have been times that I have waited up to 4 hours for a tow truck. When I told the service reps that I did not want to break down, they laughed and said, “well at least we will know that something is wrong with this car.” So I have left my car at the dealer days on end. They say that they cannot replicate it. BUT it happens to me almost every time I take the car out and now the service engine light comes on. YIKES!!!! Doesn't that mean something bad is going to happen? Their response is, “It has over 100,000 miles on it, buy a new car!” Well, maybe I don’t have money for a new car. Maybe, I like this car and want this car for a bit longer. MAYBE I NEED TO KEEP THIS CAR FOR A WHILE LONGER!
In return, what I got was no opportunity to complete a sentence, chastised when I e-mailed the company requesting that my car be fixed and an update. While I am quite intense as a person, I am very careful to state matter of fact. I never use inappropriate language and I never target a specific individual. I always begin with Dear…, try to be very respectful and I always include my name and contact info. I never use all capital letters as I did in this blog.
I did a basic internet search and found something about a blown head gasket being associated with a rough idle. [Let it be known that the prior service rep stated that I had a blown head gasket and it would cost me $475.00 to have it repaired.] I discussed this with the Repair Manager and he just would not let me get in a word edgewise. He said that it would be expensive to test the car for any specific issues but now he thinks that it was electrical. When I called later to get an update, he said that it was not a blown head gasket. He said that he was very generous and would not charge me for the compression test. I told him that I would not mind paying for some diagnostic testing. He spoke over me continuously extolling his virtues and how he was not charging me for some testing. I asked to speak to his supervisor and he refused stating that this company was owned by a corporation and that I would not be able to speak to the owner or his supervisor. Then he hung up. Being the intense person that I am and not taking ‘no’ for an answer, I called the dealer and asked for a manager or the owner of the dealer. When I specifically asked for information on contacting the corporation owning the dealer, I was told that the dealer was privately owned and I could not have that information. The manager began yelling at me, told me to get my car out of the dealership. I don’t yell at anyone. I speak clearly and concisely. I stated that I wanted the car fixed; I did not want to break down with it. It seems that when you say that you are not happy with someone’s service they tell you to leave, talk over you and YES BULLY you. Was this a ploy for me to break down and buy a new car? Was I BULLIED into thinking that it is just time to buy a new car. Well, if I do, it will not be from this dealer and will not be from this company.
If my car breaks down tomorrow, they will get the car back on a tow truck and they will have to fix it. I don’t believe that standing up for yourself is ever wrong, especially when someone is bullying me. I am not sure if I will ever name names, I typically don’t do that. BUT, I will forward this to the company that made my vehicle. I am sure, that in this economy, every repair and every sale counts. I should never be scared to drive my car. As adults, we should all be models of behavior and never demonstrate bullying to a customer on any level. I should be able to say that I am not happy with the results and should have had some resolution because I offered to pay for the diagnostic testing.

My 12 Christmas Wishes

I am sitting at the computer working on one of my projects. As I work, I often have the television on for background noise. One of those cheesy holiday programs is on. The main character as just lost her job, her boyfriend wants to write a novel and she had to put her dog in the kennel for boarding since her lease does not allow pets. Her best friend recommended that she visit a ‘Life Coach.’ And so the story begins. Her life coach tells her to go to her website and log in. Once logged in, she can enter 12 Wishes, hence the name of the story. Her life coach was, of course, a ‘Mrs. Claus’/Angel type character with an intense love of all things Christmas. Needless to say, the character’s wishes all came true.
So what does this have to do with my blog or my own future? A sense of all that I have accomplished in my life, a sense of what I want to do in the future and a sense of what I need to do right now. More important, what are my visions for world and where do I fit in. As in this cutesy movie, I need to be careful for what I wish for; not for the content of my wishes, but for how my wishes impact myself and those around me.
These are wishes that I really want or need to happen, so here goes:
1. I wish to be debt free [selfish].
2. I wish for a new house [selfish].
3. I wish for a new car [selfish].
4. I wish that all my family and friends will have a healthy and happy year [getting better but not there yet].
5. I wish that every time I leave a client or student, that they have acquired a new skill or feel more comfortable using the skills that they already have.
6. I wish that Republicans and Democrats could reach across the table and help each other and bring us off this fiscal cliff that everyone speaks about.
7. I wish that all the families affected by Hurricane Sandy get their homes and jobs back better than they were before.
8. I wish that everyone in the military comes back safely. I wish that everyone in the military has the services that they need to be healthy and happy, free of physical and emotional distress.
9. I wish that all those suffering from mental illness find the medications that they are comfortable with. I wish that both they and their families find peace and contentment.
10. I wish that all weapons of any kind would disappear from this earth and that we never, ever again have a Sandy Hook. I wish that the families affect find happiness again and can celebrate the lives of those who lost their lives.
11. I wish that everyone in this world has a cozy, comfortable home and food to eat no matter where they choose to live.
12. I wish everyone would decide to do the right thing, just because it is the right thing.

I wish all the readers of this blog, peace, joy and freedom this holiday season.

Mental Health

It is extraordinarily difficult to wrap my head around the events of the past week at Sandy Hook Elementary School. I am hearing stories about heroism and fear, strengths and weaknesses. The one thing that I know is that we need resources to try and prevent this from occurring again. I hear that the Lanza Family knew that their son had significant difficulties. Were they addressed? We can never be absolutely sure if and how they might have been. I am sure that this will be investigated but it is after the fact. What is absolutely needed is a resource for free and confidential mental health services for individuals and families. We have 911 for emergencies, 311 for complaints and community information services, and 411 for telephone numbers, etc. I looked at 211 connected to the United Way where people could give and get help. I think there should be a number just like this for individuals and families to call and get immediate assistance. Good Morning America previously profiled a family needing urgent assistance for their daughter and were struggling to find it. Individuals and families needing this assistance should have it, no question about it. Will this prevent future incidents like this? Maybe?
Mental health has become such a topic of discussion after this horrendous tragedy. I think that there should be a bank of competent mental health service providers that individuals and families could access when they have questions about behaviors or where to go for affordable help. Every health care provider should receive an e-mail, certified letter and telephone call to alert them as to where to go for assistance. Just think of how the world might change if mental illness were addressed in a supportive way and early on, not just when something happens.
I recently wrote a blog about an article in Advance on parents of children with social anxiety disorder. Both the article and I kind of indicated that the “Apple does not fall far from the tree.” Well, while that may be true [or not], we still need to support the family of this child or adult presenting with a mental health disability. In my opinion, no baby should be released from the hospital without the parents going through some training on mental health of the baby, as it grows, and themselves. Sorry to put a damper on things but that precious child needs to remain precious in your eyes and supported through every bump in life. I am not saying that we should infantilize our children and not hold them accountable for their own behavior; we need to learn how to respond and where to get help when we need it.

OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY & ME

Tonight I was asked the following question: Do you enjoy being an OT?

Initially, I thought, what a bazaar question. I blog OT, I tweet OT, I Facebook OT, I promote OT on Linked In and on Google+. I live, sleep and eat OT. I think that OT is in my DNA! In many ways, in the words of Lady Gaga, "Baby, I was born this way!"

I was a single mom, I worked at so many different types of jobs but never felt like me. Then my dad had a brain hemorrhage. I never got to see any of the therapies that he was prescribed. But, I could sew well and I made him some things that I thought would help him. One day, when I visited him at the Rehab Center, some one asked me if I was an OT. I had no clue what an OT was. I looked into it, went to work in a health care environment to see if it was a good fit for me. I loved working in health care. Within one year I was in school starting my prerequisite courses at SUNY and pretty much aced them. Then went to OT school. It was hard, I worked a full time job and went to school at the same time. Not an easy task and not so great for your grades either. But I muddled through. I remember driving home from my very last day of level II fieldwork and I called my mom on the way home. I was so emotional, "I did it! I finished!" I cried into the phone. My mom actually gave me a graduation gift that very day, a a beautiful emerald band ring. I was was so thrilled. The day my license came in the mail, I screamed, "I passed, it's a big envelop!" My poor dad nearly fell off his chair, I scared him so much. For graduation, my son gave me a card that I hold onto until this day, so many years later. The card read, "For your Advanced Degree." He wrote that he was so proud of me and it was the best card and gift that I could ever receive.

I cannot see being anything but an OT. I love the ability to be creative and to work with different age groups. It is the most freeing job that I have ever had. OT is growing by leaps and bounds. I am a maverick in my field going where few have gone before but I am loving the exploration. I want to see more OT out in the community. I want to see community groups involving OT. OT should not just be cornered in a classroom or a rehab unit. OT should be celebrated as it provides skills for people to live independently.

My dad died in 2002. He was my co-pilot in many adventures. When I graduated, of course, one of the first things I bought was a car. The two years later I bought the SUV. I would lift my dad into the SUV and we would go places all the time. We loved the midnight rides to the Hess station around Christmas time to find that year's Hess truck. We loved going to the Air Show at Republic Airport. He loved the Air Power Museum at Republic. Our very last trip was to the museum in Nassau County. The very next day he went into the hospital and never came out. Without the support of my son, mom and dad, I would not be doing what I am today. Dad would be so proud to see how I have stepped out of my comfort zone and started down the really tough road to my own practice. He would love to see some of the things that I have written and will soon publish. Today, I would not be who I am without my family. I am an OT! Thank you <3

THERAPISTS NEED TO BE MODELS OF APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR

I was reading an article on this website. I was a little concerned about the following statement:

"Set firm boundaries. “I will not tolerate being spoken to that way.” “I treat you respectfully, and I expect the same in return.” Statements such as these teach others how to treat therapy professionals and set precedence for future behavior."

I would never say that to a student, client, patient. I would say something like this: "I know that you are not happy right now. Let's try again." I would definitely document any distress that the client may be expressing and if the inappropriate language continued, I would ask a colleague to listen in. If it continued, I would say, "I don't think that this is working for either of us. Let's try another therapist." You are still sending a very clear message but not treating the client as a child. Heck, I would not say that to one of my students either. If you are in a school setting, and the student continued to act inappropriately, get an administrator or teacher in that room. That is why God made telephones and cell phones. A parent will need to be notified and may provide some insight as to why the student my be reacting in that way. If the student continues to act inappropriately in subsequent sessions, call for a meeting. Chances are the student is acting this way with others and a clear plan may need to be put in place.

If this were a client who was touching inappropriately, I would then gently brush his or her hand away with my open hand, document the incident and say something like, "I like you, too, but I am spoken for." Almost always, a client's touch is a sign of affection and not aggression.

If the touch was aggressive, I would make sure that the client was in a safe position and location and step away. I would clearly indicate to the client that this has to stop. I would say, "I think that you need a break, I will be stepping away for a few minutes." I would alert a colleague and have a colleague or care giver observe [if in home care]. I would definitely document the incident.

I think that we need to be respectful and careful in what we say to the client. Why would we be seeing this client if there were not a reason. Reasons for inappropriate language or aggressive behavior may include:

1. frustration at not being able to function normally
2. pain
3. cognitive impairment
4. emotional disorder

I would not ever reprimand a client in such a way. We are therapists and need to help our clients move forward---not backward. We need to be models of appropriate behavior and not part of the problem.

In many situations, I would never be alone with a client, particularly a younger client. I would always have an open door or have some visibility from the next room. In a school setting, the door should never be fully closed. If it is closed, there should be a glass panel in the door so that you are visible.

So, protect yourself. Offer the client a chance to regain composure and try again. If the client is not monitoring his or her own behavior, it may be time to step away.

We have to offer the client an opportunity to make a CHOICE. We can even say to the client, "You have a choice. If you need a break, I can step away." If the behavior continues again, look for the reasons. Get someone else involved in the session. A change in therapist might be what is needed. I don't always get along with everyone I meet. Do you?


http://www.putmebacktogether.com/Home/PhysicalTherapyArticles/PhysicalTherapyArticle/itemId/70/Therapy-Professionals-10-Tips-for-Handling-Diffic.aspx

Organization Is Not Just Being Neat

Eleanor Cawley
President & Sr. Occupational Therapist (OT)
Ms. Eleanor's Apples
P.O.Box 20634
Huntington Station, NY 11746
631-271-1892
www.mseleanorsapples.com

What does it mean to be organized?

Cathy Rushton wrote in her blog[10/28/2008],"Being organized is not just a term, but it is an act. To become organized is a state of mind with many actions taking place to become a person prepared for anything that happens in life." Although much of her blog that day revolved around stress caused by clutter, she is so spot on in stating that organization is a "state of mind."

A recent article from Advance, discussed parent behaviors that create anxious children. "Parents with social anxiety disorder are more likely than parents with other forms of anxiety to engage in behaviors that put their children at high risk for developing angst of their own, according to a small study of parent-child pairs conducted at Johns Hopkins Children's Center." In my experience, I have seen children exhibit similar anxious behaviors to that of a parent. I, myself, have seen my own anxious behaviors in my son. That old saying "the apple does not fall far from the tree" may ring true to some degree. I think that there is a piece missing. Anxious behaviors are a sign of disorganization. To that extent, we need to ask more questions and change some of our thinking. I think that we should be also asking, "What helps you to feel better when you become anxious?" "What do you do to help decrease your anxiety?" I think that we need to look at the genetic and environmental components not only as the reason for the disability but part of our response. For example, I know that when I am feeling disorganized, I head for the door. I need to be outside, maybe take a walk or just work in the garden. I need to work my muscles. My son needs to work his muscles, too! He needs to work harder and stronger but still needs that physical input.

As an occupational therapist, I have learned through my schooling and the hard knocks of life that we need to incorporate those activities in our life every day to maintain our own organization of our bodies and our brains. Children do not come with instructional manuals. Maybe, there should be training that occurs during the pregnancy, I don't know. The one thing that I do know is that our children often take our lead. If we show them that we can prepare our bodies and our minds to handle the stress of daily life, then we can create a less stressful environment and possibly decrease the potential for further disability.

SHOULD WE RETURN TO THE OLD WAYS?

Eleanor Cawley
President & Sr. Occupational Therapist (OT)
Ms. Eleanor's Apples
P.O.Box 20634
Huntington Station, NY 11746
631-271-1892

I have been blogging about using technology as a tool for learning. As a school-based OT, I have been working with students on organization, fine motor, visual motor/perceptual skills, handwriting, keyboarding and vocational skills. I feel that, for some students, these skills are easy. For other students, not so easy. In the last few posts that I have made, on Facebook, Twitter, Linked In and Google +, I included articles about the importance of handwriting to learning. Some of the researchers in those articles indicated that students are better able to understand certain concepts if they are handwritten. Some even go as far as to say that handwriting improves fine motor skills. As an OT with experience in all areas of development, I see that handwriting requires a certain level of motor, visual and perceptual skills. The integration of motor, visual and perceptual skills into math, writing and organization are interdependent upon one another. I have read and commented on articles stating that researchers have uncovered anecdotal reports (as far back as the 1930's)indicating that educators have felt that keyboarding has enhanced a student's ability to organize thoughts, use appropriate grammar and punctuation. While these statements are conflicting in some ways, what is important to recognize is that each method of communication has benefits. It is important to note that we are speeding toward, if not already in, a digital world. The educational model is speeding toward the development of problem solving skills. To that end, computers have the functional capability to maintain large amounts of data. Scientists can quickly analyze such data with the application of algorithms and mathematical formulas that may be impossible by hand. This leads us to a world were we have no choice but to provide our children with as much exposure and opportunity to learn how to find solutions to problems using technology. Naysayers though they be, the authors and researchers must see the need to include computers, iPads, tablets, smartphones, etc., in every facet of a child's education. A child with digital capabilities, such as using 'Kno.com' for text books, lecture notes and study tools have not only organized their belongings and their resource materials into an iPad or table, they have also decreased the potential for back injury from carrying heavy backpacks. Those students, who are already digitizing their class materials by scanning those materials to Google Docs have cut their clutter down to minimal and can more easily locate assignments and study materials. I really think that we need to get past the debate of handwriting vs. keyboarding. We need to help our children write as neatly and legibly as possible; organize thoughts using handwritten or computer-based graphic organizers; use a variety of programs on the computer and have efficient and accurate keyboarding skills.